Conan the Barbarian...Why are we remaking this again?

I have seen a few posters and trailers and all I keep thinking is, 'Why the hell are they remaking this.  Weren’t the first two kind of garbage-y?'  I remember that they starred Ah-nold (AKA Future Governor of California and future father of a love child with his live-in help who was able to keep it a secret until one of Oprah's staff found out and forced Oprah to drop dime on him) and I even remember that Grace Jones was in the sequel and that Bridgette Nielsen (Sylvester Stallone's ex-wife; Ivan Drago's wife in Rocky IV) starred in the spin-off that co-starred Ah-nold as a character of a different name (Red Sonja).  What I don’t remember is any of these movies making money nor do I remember them being anything more than fodder for jokes because of the bad acting and very, very poor writing.

The 80s versions were about a muscle-bound warrior who went around the world fighting for ‘justice’ on behalf of a warrior clan.  The version that comes out on August 19, 2011 is also about a muscle-bound warrior who goes around the world fighting for ‘justice’ on behalf of a warrior clan and, wait for it…., ITS IN 3-D!!!  So, not only is it a rehash of an old—mostly-failed--concept but it’s being released in a medium that is being overused for the sake of marketing (On average, 3-D films make more money than their 2-D counterparts and, since the release of Avatar, Hollywood studios have used the medium to try to prop up even the most doomed-to-fail movies; i.e. Clash of the Titans). 

And finally there is the issue of how it was shot.  Granted I have only seen the trailers of the film, but it looks like the makers of ‘300’ took several shots of tequila and rum before running the battle scenes through the animator.  They look horrible!!!!  The characters look blurry (and not the ‘I need 3-D glasses to watch this’ blurry but the ‘did my 4 year olds color this in?’ kind of blurry), the moments that are supposed to be 3-D-esque look VERY forced (like a punch intended for an enemy grossly misses and heads straight toward the audience in a ‘LOOK WE SHOT THIS IN 3-D’ kind of way), and the make-up and hair pieces are laughable at best. 

I know it’s the end of the ‘Summer-Let’s See How Many Crappy Action Movies We Can Release Before Audiences Say ‘You’ve Gone Too Far.  I Refuse To See THAT’–Season’ but DAMN.  Does that mean that we have to be subject to THIS; this seemingly crappy remake of a crappy movie with a crappy plot and crappy special effects?   I think the only saving grace is the cast.  According to IMDB the cast members listed are mostly B+ actors with a few B actors sprinkled in; their careers should be able to survive this calamity (I mean, Rose McGowan’s career survived Charmed and Marilyn Manson so this should be no sweat).