Late Night Movies That Shouldnt Be Missed

We all have had late nights where we cant sleep or where we are up with the newborn because they cant sleep.  Well, I have had more than my fair share of these nights recently because of the new baby in my house and have discovered that there are alot of good but not well publicized movies out there (flops, independent films, etc.).

Here is a list of some of my recent favorites:

• Its Kind of a Funny Story (Keir Gilchrest, Emma Roberts)
• Great film that shows that happens when you get out of your head and start living life.  **I should watch this again and take notes**
• Welcome to the Rileys (Kristen Stewart, James Gandolfini, Melissa Leo)
• Want to save a kid from themselves?  Watch this first.  Sometimes it works...sometimes there is too much damage to repair.  
• The Winning Season (Emma Roberts, Sam Rockwell)
• Life have no direction?  Drinking/drugging yourself into loserdom one day at a time? Watch this movie to cheer yourself up...or learn how to really destroy yourself; the right way. 
• Paper Man  (Emma Stone, Jeff Daniels)
• Another directionless lead suffering from depression and other savior flying in to save the day.  Now reverse those roles, mix up the actors and watch this movie with an open mind and you will find a gem of a film that teaches you what to do when stuck in a rut.

All four of these movies have EXCELLENT casts in well chosen roles.  In fact, they remind of what movies were like when I was growing up; well written, well thought out, well directed...a sadly lost art.

Thanksgiving Blockbusters--Breaking Dawn Pt. 1 VS The Muppets

So, yes...I have children.  I do wonderful things for my children like feed them and clothe them and educate them and ensure that they have a roof over their head and occasionally even take them to the movies. 

This Thanksgiving weekend I decided to take two of them to see movies that I knew they would love even though I knew that they would be movies that I would most assuredly loathe. 

First up was Breaking Dawn, Pt. 1. 
I have to admit that I have only read the 2nd book (New Moon) but have seen all of the movies.  I regard them as a guilty, teen-angst-riddled, pleasure.  I dont expect much from the plot or the acting except to be mildly entertained by the mindlessness of the dialogue and the ferociousness of the action scenes.  That said, Breaking Dawn, Pt. 1 SUCKED!!!  I went in with medium expectations and found myself laughing OUT LOUD at the acting, the dialogue, the editing, the make up, EVERYTHING! 

Getting married at 18?  Dumb, but it happens.  Your new husband allowing you to spend time with your best friend, who not so secretly loves you, at your wedding?   Highly unlikely...but hey, he is a nice guy.  Having bed destroying sex on your honeymoon?  Stranger things have happened.  Your father hearing that you are in a hospital while on your honeymoon and not flying there to check on you even if you ask him not to?  Never gonna happen.  Your father knowing you are in a hospital after 3 weeks and still not coming to check on you?  Hell no.  See where I am going with this?  I know that the movie is a fantasy, etc. but you are asking too much...and this is only 30 minutes into the 2 hour movie.  The rest of the movie was filled with horribly written dialogue (I am going to blame this on THIS screenplay writer because the other movies werent nearly as bad) badly CGI'd action sequences, and the worst Bella-is-injured/dying make-up of the series.  I was in the theater thinking, 'Dear God, when will this end.'  I will go see the final movie next year but only because I have to finish what I started but DAMN!!!!!!!!!!! 

Next, The Muppets
When I first saw the trailer for this movie a few months ago I decided that this would be the first movie my 2 year old and I see together.  So on opening Day, I decide to take my 2 year to her first matinee and, once again, go in with LOW expectations.  I mean, its The Muppets, designed to entertain children, how good can I expect it to be?  I was sooooooooo WRONG.  This movie is a pure treat.  The plot was mildly conceivable, the dialogue was witty, the acting was very good, the songs were memorable.  Everything about this movie was good enough to make me not only want to see it again (hell, there are alot of crappy movies that I will see multiple times.  See the above review as an example of such) but it was good enough for me to tell others to spend OVER PRICED THEATER MONEY to see it.  The actors and director did an outstanding job entertaining the adults who grew up with the Muppets while speaking to their children (most of whom are younger than Selena Gomez who, in her cameo admits that she doesnt remember the Muppets). 

The only complaint I have about this movie is actually not about the movie but about the studio, Disney.  STOP FRONT LOADING YOUR MOVIES WITH SO MANY DAMN TRAILERS!!  Any parent who has taken a child under the age of 5 to the movies knows that you have a limited amount of time with that child before they become more interested in whats on the floor of the movie theater than whats on the screen.  My 2 year old, who has been watching movies at home with me since birth, sat VERY quietly through no less than 20 MINUTES OF TRAILERS!  20 minutes for a movie aimed at a children under 8 years old.  Are you kidding me?  The problem with this is that she ended up walking around the theater for the last 20 minutes of the movie because her attention span was exhausted. 

So, to recap:
Breaking Dawn--SUCKS! (wait for the DVD/Blu Ray from Netflix)
The Muppets--VERY ENJOYABLE (spend matinee money)
Trailers for kid movies--limit them to 2 trailers or charge us a little more for the tickets so that we can skip them altogether. 

Movies that discuss the trials and tribulations of family life--Top 5 list

Sorry that I have been away for so long.  My wife and I recently added to our brood and so now baby makes 5!  As I type I am working on approx 6 hours sleep and a hunger headache but I vow to power through for you, my devoted reader (the fact that its singular is not a typo--smile). 

So here is my list of the 5 best, most realistic, movies that should be studied by newlyweds to give them an idea of life after "I do" (insert stupid Kardashian joke here). 

WARNING:  Spoilers jumping around like Seabiscuit siring mares at his studly retirement home. 

5.  For Keeps (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0095169/):  This movie was my first introduction to Hollywood trying to take family life seriously.  The high school seniors, who are in love, make an 'oops' baby, get married, try to go to college, almost get divorced, then realize that they love each other and are going to try to make it work.  Descent movie but what I love most about it is my mother's statement to me when the credits were rolling, "Son, that doesnt happen in real life.  If you get a girl pregnant while you are in high school your life is over...".  Gee, thanks Mom (smile).

4. She's Having a Baby (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0096094/):  Kevin Bacon and Elizabeth McGovern star as a newlywed couple starting a family.  He is scared shitless and she is intent on having the ideal family 'now'!  Makes for an interesting premise and a good movie.   Movie shows what a man is thinking when his wife is pregnant (OH SHIT!) and what a woman is thinking while he is standing there dimwitted (Did I really marry THIS guy?!  OH SHIT!)

3. Love Actually (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0314331/):  Now only a segment of this movie is marriage centered so you have to stick with me here....The segment that revolves around Alan Rickman and Emma Thompson.  The stupidity of Alan Rickman, flirting with the office whore, and the hurt/devastation of Emma Thompson as she finds out about it are two things that every couple hopes they never encounter.  The fact that they are portrayed so perfectly in the movie is a credit to the actors and the script.  The fact that they are being mentioned in this blog is a credit to me because I recognize that while every couple hopes their experience doesnt mimic whats in this movie there will certainly be some obstacles that they will have to face and this movie is an excellent guide for how to handle such conflicts AMICABLY!

2. Fools Rush In (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0119141/);  This movie is best described as what 'Our Family Wedding' was trying to be.  This is an absolute must see for any couple that comes from two completely different backgrounds/cultures/societies.  Salma Hayek takes an excellent turn as a 'very Latina woman' that comes from a 'very Latino family' and Matthew Perry does his usual 'Chandler-esque' best as 'the White man without a clue'.  This movie succeeds because it shows us that family differences really dont matter as long as the two who are married are devoted to each other and the success of their marriage. 

1.  The Story of Us (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0160916/):  Bruce Willis and Michelle Pfeiffer star in this movie as a couple that has been married for 15 years but is considering divorce.  The film, directed by co-star Rob Reiner, does an excellent job of showing the ups and downs of married and family life.  If you are going to watch one movie from this list it should be this!!!  This movie helps explain how good marriages go bad and how, sometimes even love cant conquer all...at least not before 120 minutes have passed and we need the Hollywood ending to bring in the audience.  

Colombiana: Hoping that it goes well for Zoe

Ok...you wont find me doing this often but I am actually rooting for the underdog with this post. 

I say underdog because 'Colombiana' its going up against the unlikely juggernaut, 'The Help', along with other previously released movies AND this weekend's new releases: 'Our Idiot Brother' (Paul Rudd's latest comedic vehicle) and 'Dont Be Afraid of the Dark' (the likely VERY SHITTY horror movie starring Katie 'I was on track to become a great actress before I married Tom Cruise and became content to be better known as Mrs. Tom Cruise' Holmes).  Unfortunately for 'Colombiana' Paul Rudd is an established good laugh and will likely draw R-rated visitors that would instead go see Saldana's film (R-rated comedy and PG-13 violent films target the same audience: 15 year old boys <smile>). 

'Colombiana' starring Zoe Saldana opens this weekend to, what I hope will be, stunning reviews.  According to IMDB they spent approx $40 Mil on this film which  means it needs to earn a gross of at least $50 Mil in 3 months to make Saldana a glorified STAR.  Having followed since her debut in 'Center Stage' I am a huge fan; not only is she quite beautiful but she also has TALENT (something sorely lacking in many of today's Hollywood starlets).  But the film wont earn this amount without your help.  Other than Angelina Jolie's 'Salt' and 'Tomb Raider', female action movies usually dont fare well.  In this male dominated society, we have a hard time picturing someone with beauty and grace kicking ass and taking names but when we do take the time to go see these films we go in droves (see box office receipts of the previously mentioned movies as proof). 

So, here is my best pitch to you for seeing 'Colombiana' by Zoe Saldana:
She made you swoon as the blue girl in Avatar, you laughed at her dating misfortune in Guess Who (with newly minted 2.5 Men star Ashton 'dont call me Mr. Demi Moor' Kutcher), and she made fans of all of you Trekkies with her turn as the Spock-loving Uhura in the 'Star Trek' reboot so please, for the love of everything that makes you want more minority actresses that are equal parts eye candy and talent...PLEASE GO SEE THIS FUCKING MOVIE!  

*I will be there this weekend; even if I have to be the person with the 2 year old in the front row taking trips to the potty every 10 minutes*

My Top Comedies

Quasi Couch Potato’s Top 3 Comedies:

#3 on my list because of its classic lines and timely references is ‘Coming to America’

 ‘Coming to America’ is the brain child of Eddie Murphy.  Twenty years before the Klumps he was playing multiple characters and making us laugh to the point of stomach pain.  This movie is an all-around classic—from the very beginning with Paul Bates singing ‘She’s your queen to be’ to Eriq LaSalle’s ‘Soul Glo’ to John Amos threatening to break his foot off in James Earl Jones’ ‘royal ass’ for insulting his daughter.  I guarantee that, while watching this movie, you will not go more than 5 minutes without a hearty-out of breath-hurt your stomach laugh.   Buy the DVD on sale and watch it over…and over…and over…and over…

#2, the movie that has spawned two lackluster sequels and has helped turned Ice Cube into a household name is ‘Friday’

‘Friday’: Chris Tucker, pre-Rush Hour trilogy, need I say more?   Tucker was at his best as the comedic, crass, raunchy Smokey; delivering line after line of comedy.  Ice Cube does well as his non-gangsterish straight man and John Witherspoon gives yet another outstanding performance as Ice Cube’s ‘shit smells so bad that it peels the paint’ father.

#1, the first movie made by my hetero-life-mate; Kevin Smith

‘Clerks’ fucking rocks because of the brilliant writing of Kevin Smith.  The plot is simple, the acting is amateurish but works because the actors are regular guys in regular situations, and the dialog is BEYOND witty (especially the conversation about the contractors on ‘Return of the Jedi’; pee in your pants funny with a dash of ‘things that make you go hmmmm’).  As far as comedies are concerned this cannot be beat!   Definitely worth owning the DVD and/or Blu Ray.   

Ode to Kevin Smith (the director of Clerks, not my uncle the former drill sergeant in the U.S. Army)

 

 

Oh Mr. Smith, I adore thee and all of thee writing credits that thee has accumulated since before Clerks.  I love your witty banter, your jokes, your stand up routines (yes, even ‘Too Fat for 40’) and am trying to find a way to see Red State and your interview afterward next week at the New Beverly.

I love the way you poke fun at organized religion (‘Dogma’), were a great friend to Mewes when he needed you most, and continue to keep all of the irritating hipsters in L.A. angry by owning a home that once belonged to the oft-mocked best bud of MattDamon (This is not a typo; it must be said as one word as stated in the ‘South Park’ movie).   I love the way you describe your dogs (the retarded lab, the smart lab, and the wiener dog) and how you incorporate them into your everyday life—the SPCA should make you their honorary spokesperson. 

You do great interviews and even your stuff that is supposed to be self-deprecating actually comes off as self-aware and enlightened (Well, maybe that’s a little too far.  Maybe that’s compared to the bullshit out here West Coast—where no one is honest about anything except whether or not the stalls have toilet seat liners). 

I look forward to working with you one day and hope you at least read this and agree that you are a wonderful writer director and future Oscar winner. 

Glee--Why it didnt translate

I am a HUGE Glee fan; hell, I am a huge Musical Theater fan in general.  I love going to see musicals and I set my DVR to record Glee every Tuesday during the season however, even in all of my fandom (I even went to a Glee sing-a-long that didnt have any of the cast members; just a band and a lounge singer doing covers) I knew that I wasnt going to see the concert movie that premiered last Friday. 


Why? BECAUSE CONCERT MOVIES GENERALLY SUCK!!!!!  Think of any concert movie that DIDNT debut because the primary performer passed away (MJ we love you but we all know that if 'This Is It' were released as a concert movie while you were alive that it would have BOMBED horrendously) and you will agree that they are usually very boring.  Glee, unfortunately, proved to be no exception.  You have the regular cast singing the exact same arrangement from the show AND from their nationwide concert tour that has already been attended by millions of Gleeks.  I know that their target market consists of tweeners and teeny boppers who will spend their money on ANYTHING but even they wont pay for something that they can see for free on TV and hear for free on itunes and youtube and anything else electronic.

Let this be a lesson to other concert/movie promoters:  Dont try to shove the exact same product down our throats over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over....at least take notes from the producers of Final Destination and Saw; they have the exact same movies with the same formulas each time but the twist is always a little different.  When you do a concert movie at least debut a few new songs or arrangements or costumes or SOMETHING. 

And I will not even begin to address the fact that its in 3-D.

I love Glee and will be watching this season with the same vigor that I have watched the previous ones but I cant say that I will be going to pay to see the movie; I'd rather keep my $8 and watch the performances on my DVR...or on YouTube...or iTunes or.....