Thanksgiving Blockbusters--Breaking Dawn Pt. 1 VS The Muppets

So, yes...I have children.  I do wonderful things for my children like feed them and clothe them and educate them and ensure that they have a roof over their head and occasionally even take them to the movies. 

This Thanksgiving weekend I decided to take two of them to see movies that I knew they would love even though I knew that they would be movies that I would most assuredly loathe. 

First up was Breaking Dawn, Pt. 1. 
I have to admit that I have only read the 2nd book (New Moon) but have seen all of the movies.  I regard them as a guilty, teen-angst-riddled, pleasure.  I dont expect much from the plot or the acting except to be mildly entertained by the mindlessness of the dialogue and the ferociousness of the action scenes.  That said, Breaking Dawn, Pt. 1 SUCKED!!!  I went in with medium expectations and found myself laughing OUT LOUD at the acting, the dialogue, the editing, the make up, EVERYTHING! 

Getting married at 18?  Dumb, but it happens.  Your new husband allowing you to spend time with your best friend, who not so secretly loves you, at your wedding?   Highly unlikely...but hey, he is a nice guy.  Having bed destroying sex on your honeymoon?  Stranger things have happened.  Your father hearing that you are in a hospital while on your honeymoon and not flying there to check on you even if you ask him not to?  Never gonna happen.  Your father knowing you are in a hospital after 3 weeks and still not coming to check on you?  Hell no.  See where I am going with this?  I know that the movie is a fantasy, etc. but you are asking too much...and this is only 30 minutes into the 2 hour movie.  The rest of the movie was filled with horribly written dialogue (I am going to blame this on THIS screenplay writer because the other movies werent nearly as bad) badly CGI'd action sequences, and the worst Bella-is-injured/dying make-up of the series.  I was in the theater thinking, 'Dear God, when will this end.'  I will go see the final movie next year but only because I have to finish what I started but DAMN!!!!!!!!!!! 

Next, The Muppets
When I first saw the trailer for this movie a few months ago I decided that this would be the first movie my 2 year old and I see together.  So on opening Day, I decide to take my 2 year to her first matinee and, once again, go in with LOW expectations.  I mean, its The Muppets, designed to entertain children, how good can I expect it to be?  I was sooooooooo WRONG.  This movie is a pure treat.  The plot was mildly conceivable, the dialogue was witty, the acting was very good, the songs were memorable.  Everything about this movie was good enough to make me not only want to see it again (hell, there are alot of crappy movies that I will see multiple times.  See the above review as an example of such) but it was good enough for me to tell others to spend OVER PRICED THEATER MONEY to see it.  The actors and director did an outstanding job entertaining the adults who grew up with the Muppets while speaking to their children (most of whom are younger than Selena Gomez who, in her cameo admits that she doesnt remember the Muppets). 

The only complaint I have about this movie is actually not about the movie but about the studio, Disney.  STOP FRONT LOADING YOUR MOVIES WITH SO MANY DAMN TRAILERS!!  Any parent who has taken a child under the age of 5 to the movies knows that you have a limited amount of time with that child before they become more interested in whats on the floor of the movie theater than whats on the screen.  My 2 year old, who has been watching movies at home with me since birth, sat VERY quietly through no less than 20 MINUTES OF TRAILERS!  20 minutes for a movie aimed at a children under 8 years old.  Are you kidding me?  The problem with this is that she ended up walking around the theater for the last 20 minutes of the movie because her attention span was exhausted. 

So, to recap:
Breaking Dawn--SUCKS! (wait for the DVD/Blu Ray from Netflix)
The Muppets--VERY ENJOYABLE (spend matinee money)
Trailers for kid movies--limit them to 2 trailers or charge us a little more for the tickets so that we can skip them altogether. 

Movies that discuss the trials and tribulations of family life--Top 5 list

Sorry that I have been away for so long.  My wife and I recently added to our brood and so now baby makes 5!  As I type I am working on approx 6 hours sleep and a hunger headache but I vow to power through for you, my devoted reader (the fact that its singular is not a typo--smile). 

So here is my list of the 5 best, most realistic, movies that should be studied by newlyweds to give them an idea of life after "I do" (insert stupid Kardashian joke here). 

WARNING:  Spoilers jumping around like Seabiscuit siring mares at his studly retirement home. 

5.  For Keeps (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0095169/):  This movie was my first introduction to Hollywood trying to take family life seriously.  The high school seniors, who are in love, make an 'oops' baby, get married, try to go to college, almost get divorced, then realize that they love each other and are going to try to make it work.  Descent movie but what I love most about it is my mother's statement to me when the credits were rolling, "Son, that doesnt happen in real life.  If you get a girl pregnant while you are in high school your life is over...".  Gee, thanks Mom (smile).

4. She's Having a Baby (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0096094/):  Kevin Bacon and Elizabeth McGovern star as a newlywed couple starting a family.  He is scared shitless and she is intent on having the ideal family 'now'!  Makes for an interesting premise and a good movie.   Movie shows what a man is thinking when his wife is pregnant (OH SHIT!) and what a woman is thinking while he is standing there dimwitted (Did I really marry THIS guy?!  OH SHIT!)

3. Love Actually (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0314331/):  Now only a segment of this movie is marriage centered so you have to stick with me here....The segment that revolves around Alan Rickman and Emma Thompson.  The stupidity of Alan Rickman, flirting with the office whore, and the hurt/devastation of Emma Thompson as she finds out about it are two things that every couple hopes they never encounter.  The fact that they are portrayed so perfectly in the movie is a credit to the actors and the script.  The fact that they are being mentioned in this blog is a credit to me because I recognize that while every couple hopes their experience doesnt mimic whats in this movie there will certainly be some obstacles that they will have to face and this movie is an excellent guide for how to handle such conflicts AMICABLY!

2. Fools Rush In (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0119141/);  This movie is best described as what 'Our Family Wedding' was trying to be.  This is an absolute must see for any couple that comes from two completely different backgrounds/cultures/societies.  Salma Hayek takes an excellent turn as a 'very Latina woman' that comes from a 'very Latino family' and Matthew Perry does his usual 'Chandler-esque' best as 'the White man without a clue'.  This movie succeeds because it shows us that family differences really dont matter as long as the two who are married are devoted to each other and the success of their marriage. 

1.  The Story of Us (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0160916/):  Bruce Willis and Michelle Pfeiffer star in this movie as a couple that has been married for 15 years but is considering divorce.  The film, directed by co-star Rob Reiner, does an excellent job of showing the ups and downs of married and family life.  If you are going to watch one movie from this list it should be this!!!  This movie helps explain how good marriages go bad and how, sometimes even love cant conquer all...at least not before 120 minutes have passed and we need the Hollywood ending to bring in the audience.